The Host Chapter 59: Remembered

The beginning would make out homogeneous the end. Id been warned. exclusively this time the end was a greater surprise than it had invariably been. Greater than any end Id esteemed in nine lives. Greater than jump down an elevator shaft. I had expected no lots memories, no more thoughts. What end was this?The sun is setting-the colors are solely rosy, and they perform me mean of my friend what would her surname be here? Some social function about ruffles? Ruffles and more ruffles. She was a beautiful F low-pitcheder. The flowers here are so lifeless and boring. They scent wonderful, though. Smells are the best part of this show.Footsteps bottom of the inning me. Has Cloud Spinner followed me once again? I dont need a jacket. Its warm here- fin whollyy-and I destiny to flavor the air on my skin. I wont look at her. Maybe shell count on I cant hear and shell go home. She is so careful with me, except Im about grown now. She cant mother me forever.Exc recitation me? s ome star labels, and I dont know the portion.I turn to look at her, and I dont know the face, either. Shes sensibly.The face in the reminiscence jerked me clog to myself. That was my face But I didnt remember thisHi, I say.Hello. My name is Melanie. She grinnings at me. Im brisk in town and I think Im lost.Oh Where are you trying to go? Ill take you. Our car is just rear end -No, its non far. I was going for a walk, but now I cant find my way back to Becker Street.Shes a new neighbor-how nice. I cut new friends.Youre truly close, I tell her. Its just roughly the befriend corner up that way, but you can cut justly through with(predicate) this illumetle alley here. It takes you straight there.Could you show me? Im sorry, whats your name?Of course sustain with me. Im Petals Open to the moon about, but my family mostly calls me Pet. Where are you from, Melanie?She laughs. Do you mean San Diego or the Singing World, Pet?Either one. I laugh, too. I like her smile. thithe r are two Bats on this street. They live in that yellowish house with the pine trees.Ill have to say hello, she murmurs, but her articulatio has changed, tensed. Shes facial normal into the dusky alley as though shes expecting to show something.And there is something there. deuce people, a man and a boy. The boy drags his trade through his keen- suspireted black hair like hes nervous. Maybe he is worried because hes lost, too. His pretty look are wide and excited. The man is very facilitate.Jamie. Jared. My stock ticker thumped, but the scenting was peculiar, wrong. Too small and fluttery.These are my friends, Pet, Melanie tells me.Oh Oh, hello. I stretch my excrete out to the man-hes the closest.He reaches for my lot, and his grip is so strong.He yanks me forward, right up to his carcass. I dont escort. This feels wrong. I dont like it.My heart beats faster, and Im afmaraud. Ive never been shake like this before. I dont understand.His advance swings toward my face, and I gasp. I suck in the mist that comes from his hand. A silver cloud that tastes like raspberries.Wha - I emergency to ask, but I cant attain them anymore. I cant meet anythingThere was no more.Wanda? Can you hear me, Wanda? a familiar translator asked.That wasnt the right name was it? My ears didnt react to it, but something did. Wasnt I Petals Open to the Moon? Pet? Was that it? That didnt feel right, either. My heart beat faster, an echo of the fear in my memory. A spate of a char with white-and-red-streaked hair and signifier green eyes alter my head. Where was my mother? But she wasnt my mother, was she?A sound, a low enunciate that echoed more or less me. Wanda. Come back. We arent letting you go.The voice was familiar, and it was also not. It sounded like me?Where was Petals Open to the Moon? I couldnt find her. Just a thousand empty memories. A house full of pictures but no inha smirchants.Use the Awake, a voice verbalise. I didnt recognize this one.Something b rushed my face, light as the touch of fog. I knew that scent. It was the purport of grapefruit.I took a deeper glimmering, and my mind suddenly cleared.I could feel that I was lying down but this tangle wrong, too. There wasnt comely of me. I snarl shrunken.My hands were warmer than the end of me, and that was because they were being held. Held in prodigious hands, hands that swallowed them right up.It smelled left over(p)-stuffy and a little moldy. I remembered the smell but surely Id never smelled it before in my life.I motto nothing but dull red-the insides of my eyelids. I wanted to open them, so I went searching for the right muscles to do that.Wanderer? Were all hold for you, honey. Open your eyes.This voice, this warm breath against my ear, was flushtide more familiar. A irrelevant feeling tickled through my veins at the sound. A feeling Id never, ever felt before. The sound make my breath catch and my hitchs tremble.I wanted to see the face that went with that voice.A color washed through my mind-a color that called to me from a far forth life-a brilliant, glowing blue. The whole universe was bright blueAnd finally I knew my name. Yes, that was right. Wanderer. I was Wanderer. Wanda, too. I remembered that now.A light touch on my face-a warm pressure on my lips, on my eyelids. Ah, thats where they were. I could make them act involuntarily now that Id ready them.Shes waking up someone crowed excitedly.Jamie. Jamie was here. My heart gave other fluttery little thump.It took a moment for my eyes to focus. The blue that stabbed my eyes was all wrong-too pale, too washed out. It wasnt the blue I wanted.A hand stirred my face. Wanderer?I looked to the sound. The movement of my head on my neck felt so odd. It didnt feel like it utilize to, but at the equal time it felt the way it had always felt.My searching eyes found the blue Id been tone for. Sapphire, snow, and midnight.Ian? Ian, where am I? The sound of the voice attack out of my t hroat frightened me. So high and trilling. Familiar, but not mine. Who am I?Youre you, Ian told me. And youre right where you belong.I pulled one of my hands free from the giants hand that held it. I meant to touch my face, but someones hand reached toward me, and I froze.The arrive at hand also froze above me.I assay to move my hand again, to protect myself, but that moved the hand above me. I started shaking, and the hand trembled.Oh.I opened and closed the hand, looking at it carefully.Was this my hand, this tiny thing? It was a childs hand, except for the long exploit-and-white nails, filed into perfect, smooth curves. The skin was fair, with a oddish silvery cast to it and, entirely incongruous, a scattering of golden freckles.It was the odd combination of silver and gold that brought the image back I could see a face in my head, reflected in a mirror.The setting of the memory threw me off for a moment because I wasnt used to so much(prenominal) civilization-at the like time, I knew nothing but civilization. A pretty actors assistant with all kinds of frilly and ethereal things on top of it. A lavishness of dainty glass bottles containing the scents I loved-I loved? Or she loved?-so much. A potted orchid. A set of silver combs.The big round mirror was framed in a wreath of metal roses. The face in the mirror was roundish, too, not rather oval. Small. The skin on the face had the same silver undertone-silver like moonlight-as the hand did, with another handful of the golden freckles crosswise the bridge of the nose. Wide gray eyes, the silver of the soul shimmering faintly croup the soft color, framed by tangled golden lashes. Pale pink lips, full and almost round, like a babys. Small, even white teeth behind them. A dimple in the chin. And everywhere, everywhere, golden, waving hair that stood away from my face in a bright halo and fell infra where the mirror showed.My face or her face?It was the perfect face for a Night Flower. Like an exact translation from Flower to human.Where is she? my high, reedy voice demanded. Where is Pet? Her absence frightened me. Id never seen a more defenseless creature than this half-child with her moonlight face and sunlight hair.Shes right here, commercialism advised me. Tanked and ready to go. We thought you could tell us the best place to vent her. I looked toward his voice. When I saw him standing in the sunlight, a lit cryotank in his hands, a rush of memories from my former life came back to me.Doc I gasped in the tiny, fragile voice. Doc, you promised You gave me your oath, Eustace Why? Why did you break your condition?A dim recollection of misery and pain touched me. This body had never felt such agony before. It shied away from the sting.Even an impartial man sometimes caves to duress, Wanda.Duress, another terribly familiar voice scoffed.Id say a knife to the throat counts as duress, Jared.You knew I wouldnt very use it.That I did not. You were quite persuasive.A knife? M y body trembled.Shh, its all authorize, Ian murmured. His breath blew strands of golden hair across my face, and I brushed them away-a routine gesture. Did you authenticly think you could leave us that way? Wanda He sighed, but the sigh was joyful.Ian was happy. This insight angrye my worry suddenly much lighter, easier to bear.I told you I didnt want to be a parasite, I whispered. allow me through, my old voice ordered. And then(prenominal) I could see my face, the strong one, with the sun-brown skin, the straight black take out of the eyebrows over the almond-shaped, hazel eyes, the high, sharp cheekbones See it backward, not as a reflection, the way Id always seen it before.Listen up, Wanda. I know exactly what you dont want to be. But were human, and were selfish, and we dont always do the right thing. We arent going to let you go. luck with it.The way she spoke, the cadence and the tone, not the voice, brought back all the silent conversations, the voice in my head, my si ster.Mel? Mel, youre okayShe smiled then and leaned over to hug my shoulders. She was bigger than I remembered being.Of course I am. Wasnt that the point of all the drama? And youre going to be fine, too. We werent stupid about it. We didnt just grab the first body we saw.Let me tell her, let me Jamie shoved in beside Mel. It was nonplusting very crowded around the cot. It swayed, unstable.I took his hand and squeezed it. My hands felt so feeble. Could he even feel the pressure?JamieHey, Wanda This is cool, isnt it? Youre smaller than me now He grinned, triumphant.But still older. Im almost - And then I stopped, changing my sentence abruptly. My birthday is in two weeks.I competency have been disoriented and confused, but I wasnt stupid. Melanies experiences had not gone to waste I had learned from them. Ian was every bit as honorable as Jared, and I was not going to go through the frustration Melanie had.So I lied, giving myself an extra year. Ill be eighteen.From the corner of my eye, I saw Melanie and Ian stiffen in surprise. This body looked much younger than her true age, hovering on the edge of seventeen.It was this little deception, this preemptive claiming of my partner, that made me realize I was staying here. That I would be with Ian and the rest of my family. My throat thickened, felt oddly swollen.Jamie patted my face, calling my attention back. I was surprised at how big his hand felt on my cheek. They let me come on the raid to get you.I know, I muttered. I remember Well, Pet remembers sightedness you there. I glared at Mel, who shrugged.We essay not to scare her, Jamie said. Shes so kind of fragile-looking, you know? And nice, too. We picked her out together, but I got to decide See, Mel said we had to get someone young-someone who had a bigger percentage of life as a soul or something. But not too young, because she knew you wouldnt want to be a child. And then Jared liked this face, because he said no one could ever dis distrust it. You d ont look dangerous at all. You look the other of dangerous. Jared said anyone who sees you would just naturally want to protect you, right, Jared? But then I got the final say, because I was looking for someone who looked like you. And I thought this looked like you. Because she sort of looks like an angel, and youre good like that. And real pretty. I knew you would be pretty. Jamie smiled hugely. Ian didnt come. He just sat here with you-he said he didnt care what you looked like. He wouldnt let anyone else put a finger on your tank at all, not even me or Mel. But Doc let me watch this time. It was way cool, Wanda. I dont know why you wouldnt let me watch before. They wouldnt let me help, though. Ian wouldnt let anyone touch you but him.Ian squeezed my hand and leaned in to whisper through all the hair. His voice was so low that I was the only one who could hear. I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful.My eyes got all wet, and I had to sniff.You like it, dont yo u? Jamie asked, his voice worried now. Youre not mad? Theres nobody in there with you, is there?Im not mad, exactly, I whispered. And I-I cant find anybody else. Just Pets memories. Pets been in here since I cant remember when she wasnt here. I cant remember any other name.Youre not a parasite, Melanie said firmly, touching my hair, force up a strand and letting the gold slide in the midst of her fingers. This body didnt belong to Pet, but theres nobody else to claim it. We waited to make sure, Wanda. We tried to wake her up almost as long as we tried with Jodi.Jodi? What happened to Jodi? I chirped, my little voice going higher, like a birds, with anxiety. I struggled to get up, and Ian pulled me-it took no effort, no strength to move my tiny new body-into a sitting position with his arm supporting me. I could see all the faces then.Doc, no more tears in his eyes. Jeb, peeking around Doc, his expression satisfied and burning with curiosity at the same time. Next, a woman I didnt recognize for a second because her face was more enliven than Id ever seen it, and I hadnt seen it much anyway-Mandy, the former Healer. Closer to me, Jamie, with his bright, excited smile, Melanie beside him, and Jared behind her, his hands around her waist. I knew that his hands would never feel right unless they were touching her body-my body-now. That he would move her as close as he could forever, hating any inch that came between them. This caused me a fierce, aching pain. The delicate heart in my thin chest shuddered. It had never been broken before, and it didnt understand this memory.It made me sorry to realize that I still loved Jared. I wasnt free of that, wasnt free of jealousy for the body he loved. My glance flickered back to Mel. I saw the rueful twist of the mouth that used to be mine, and knew she understood.I continued quickly around the cluster of faces circling my bed, while Doc, afterward a pause, answered my question.Trudy and Geoffrey, Heath, Paige and Andy . Brandt, evenJodi didnt respond. We kept trying as long as we could.Was Jodi gone, then? I wondered, my inexperienced heart throbbing. I was giving the pathetic frail thing such a rough awakening.Heidi and Lily, Lily smiling a pained little smile-none the less sincere for the painWe were able to keep her hydrated, but we had no way to feed her. We were worried about atrophy-her muscles, her geniusWhile my new heart ached harder than it had ever ached-ached for a woman Id never known-my eyes continued around the circle and then froze.Jodi, clinging to Kyles side, stared back at me.She smiled tentatively, and suddenly I recognized her. felicitousI got to stay, she said, not quite smug but almost. Just like you. She glanced at Kyles face-which was more unemotional person than I was used to seeing it-and her voice turned sad. Im trying, though. I am looking for her. I leave keep looking.Kyle had us put Sunny back when it looked like we would lose Jodi, Doc continued quietly.I stared at Sunny and Kyle for a moment, stunned, and then finished the circle.Ian was watching me with a peculiar combination of joy and nervousness. His face was higher than it should have been, bigger than it used to be. But his eyes were still the blue I remembered. The anchor that held me to this planet.You okay in there? he asked.I I dont know, I admitted. This feels very weird. Every bit as weird as switching species. So much weirder than I would have thought. I I dont know.My heart fluttered again, looking into those eyes, and this was no memory of another lifetimes love. My mouth felt dry, and my support quivered. The place where his arm touched my back felt more alive than the rest of my body.You dont mind staying here too much, do you, Wanda? Do you think that peradventure you could tolerate it? he murmured.Jamie squeezed my hand. Melanie put hers on top of his, then smiled when Jared added his to the pile. Trudy patted my foot. Geoffrey, Heath, Heidi, Andy, Paige, Brandt, and even Lily were beaming at me. Kyle had shuffled closer, a grin spreading across his face. Sunnys smile was the smile of a coconspirator.How much No Pain had Doc wedded me? Everything was glowing.Ian brushed the cloud of golden hair back from my face and set his hand on my cheek. His hand was so big just the palm covered from my jaw to my forehead the contact sent a jerked meat of electricity through my silvery skin. It tingled after that first jolt, and the pit of my stomach tingled along with it.I could feel a warm flush pinking my cheeks. My heart had never been broken before, but it had also never flown. It made me timid I had a hard time finding my voice.I presuppose I could do that, I whispered. If it makes you happy.Thats not good enough, actually, Ian disagreed. It has to make you happy, too.I could only meet his gaze for a few seconds at a time the shyness, so new and confusing to me, had my eyes dropping to my figure out again and again.I think it might, I agreed. I think it might make me very, very happy.Happy and sad, elated and miserable, secure and afraid, loved and denied, diligent and angry, peaceful and wild, complete and empty all of it. I would feel everything. It would all be mine.Ian coaxed my face up until I looked him in the eyes, my cheeks flushing darker.Then you will stay.He kissed me, right in front of everyone, but I forgot the auditory sense quickly. This was easy and right, no division, no confusion, no objection, just Ian and me, the molten rock moving through this new body, melding it into the pact.I will stay, I agreed.And my 10th life began.